she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize