hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
