Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
