i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize