Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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