Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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