My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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