The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
