I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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