This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
