I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
