Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
