on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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