I am full of burrito and curiosity
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize