I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
