I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
