You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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