You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
