I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
