god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
