sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize