if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This is my gift to your gina
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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