So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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