I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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