my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
