Well apparently he's into motor boating.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
