The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize