Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
