i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
