just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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