ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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