can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
