Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
