Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
