i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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