I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
