grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
