she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
