i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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