He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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