Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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