I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Randomize
