So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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