If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
