i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize