I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
