to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
