margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
