just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
