Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
