Me. At least after what I've been through.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
