oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
