the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
