the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
