i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize