I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
