I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
