David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
