I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
