there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
honey bunches of taint.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
