My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it's great music for shaving your balls
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
