did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize