Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
