Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
