I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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