He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize