I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
