It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
