i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize