I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
