i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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