My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
