toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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