I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
