I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
