I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
