Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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