Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
