he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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