is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you win again, gameday.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
