i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
