just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
