Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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