I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
