I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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