Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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