I could have mohawked her pubes.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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