I hate your face
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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