Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Come on in and take your pants off
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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