So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
ok first of all what the fuck
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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