She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
