Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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