Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
