batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize