Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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