none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize