the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
COCAINE IS GR8
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
