you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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