Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
