He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize