woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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