Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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