if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
