don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
