He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
