she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
