Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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