drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
