she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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