they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
