The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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