Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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