$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
