Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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