My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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