his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
