I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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