wanna go halves on a baby?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
