After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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