dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
