Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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