May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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