you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
