Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
