I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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